Orlando: I myself am often surprised at life’s little quirks. You see, what I told you before about saying “please” was true. It intrigued Trollando, as did my descriptions of your beauty. Finally, Trollando decided something. He said, “All right, Orlando, I’ve never had a ghost writer. You can try it for tonight. I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.” Three years he said that. “Good night, Orlando. Good work. Sleep well. I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.” It was a fine time for me. I was learning to fangirl, squee, anything anyone would teach me. And Trollando and I eventually became friends. And then it happened.
Orlando’s Wife: What? Go on.
Orlando: Well, Trollando had grown so infamous, he wanted to retire. So he took me to his cabin and told me his secret. “I am not the Dread Fangirl Trollando,” he said. “My name is Mos Def. I inherited this blog from the previous Dread Fangirl Trollando, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from was not the real Dread Fangirl Trollando, either. His name was Jeff Goldblum. The real Trollando has been retired fifteen years and living like a king in Fan-tasia.” Then he explained the name was the important thing for inspiring the necessary fear. You see, no one would surrender to the Dread Fangirl Orlando.
Is everything clear to you?